Grapefruit Disaster

So I'm a lady, right?
And as a lady, I am concerned about what as a lady I would refer to as my "figure." Specifically I am concerned about the fact that none of my pants fit anymore, a fact which I blame almost entirely on the six feet of snow I've been forced to live under for the past three months driving me to eat for entertainment and safety. But it has to stop.

Like I mentioned, it's winter. Aside from literally thousands of feet of snow, this also brings Citrus. Don't get me wrong: I'm no fruit fan. Far from it. Most fruit is terrible. Grocery store apples? Ew. Grapes? What IS that? Pear? Peach? Berries? I could take it or leave it. A tomato? EXCEPTION. Another exception: Some citrus products, including a grapefruit.

A grapefruit is outstanding. It tastes like it is going to fix all the health problems you could ever have. When you eat it, you can actually feel your cells re-arranging your DNA to make you taller, more nordic, more charming. My favorite way to eat a grapefruit is the classic cut-in-half, cut-into-sections, sugar sprinkled on top. The astringent taste and fibrous texture of the grapefruit flesh when combined with the gritty sweetness of sugar is perfect. It's also what makes kiwi good, by the way, although with kiwi it's hardly as much work. (Maybe the kiwi is better, but that's not for this discussion. I would argue no, for the record.)

But does the inclusion of sugar negate the healthfulness of the grapefruit? Probably some. I work in an office filled with women, and that means one thing: A PREOCCUPATION WITH WEIGHT/FOOD/DIETING. This means we have the industrial-sized box of Sweet 'n Low brand artificial sweetener.

Today, as an experiment, I put Sweet n' Low brand artificial sweetener on top of my grapefruit and let me tell you: it was terrible.